The Evening Shroud, Issue #07, 09/27/01 Page 9

HOROSCOPES

 

Week of September 27, 2001

Brought to you by Mystic Zotix

 
aries.gif (231 bytes)Aries
taurus.gif (228 bytes)Taurus
gemini.gif (201 bytes)Gemini
cancer.gif (239 bytes)Cancer
leo.gif (238 bytes)Leo
virgo.gif (226 bytes)Virgo
libra.gif (158 bytes)Libra
scorpio.gif (176 bytes)Scorpio
sagittarius.gif (154 bytes)Sagittarius
capricorn.gif (188 bytes)Capricorn
aquarius.gif (178 bytes)Aquarius
pisces.gif (169 bytes)Pisces
   

Aries

Good week to use the expression “okey dokey” as much as possible. (Yeah, we told you that last week already.) It’s about time you learned some more recipes dealing with zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. Why? I dunno, ask the stars.

Libra

You’ll have a brilliant idea, but nobody will take you seriously. You should be able to will them over with pure logic, however. There must be millions of bonsai enthusiasts out there – how many of them wouldn’t want an itsy bitsy chainsaw?

Taurus

One part of you really wants something, and another part of you wants to wait. It’s quite normal, actually, to have these little internal arguments. Just don’t let it escalate into a fist fight.

Scorpio

In a strange form of protest against the new trends in personal adornment, you will make mooing sounds whenever you see someone with a nose ring. Coincidentally, some of them will say “Hay!”

Gemini

As a joke, you will send off a resume for your dog to a company which wants to hire an extrusion manager. Surprisingly, he will not only get the job, but will earn more than you.

Sagittarius

You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically “jiggle a little thingie”. While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance…

Cancer

You will notice an odd stone “egg” in an antique shop. Don’t bring it home. They’re very hungry right after they hatch.

Capricorn

After an exciting trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, you’ll come up with a secret plan that will occupy you for many years to come. Yes – your very own Hole.

Leo

There will be a great disturbance in the force, today. Fortunately, it will be caused by a really funny lawyer joke sweeping through the Universe, so there’s no reason for you to worry.

Aquarius

Good time to become involved in a secret plot to overthrow someone or something. Personally, I think your best bet is to start small. You can pick up some tips in “Overthrowing Things For Fun And Profit” by Kwan No, M.D., Ph.D.

Virgo

You’ve about had it with one particular fool in your life. Have you considered investing in a tranquilizer gun? Mine comes in very handy, especially at work.

Pisces

Good time to wear WAY too much cologne. Well actually, that’s generally not a problem for people who wear cologne. Usually, they have no sense of smell. (Oh come on – you think they’d do that on purpose??)