The Evening Shroud, Issue #05, 09/13/01 Page 9

HOROSCOPES
Winnersof the Win a Subscription of The Evening Shroud Horoscope Game:
  • Mz. Tyrannous-May-Boycott
  • Ginger Snapdragon
  • Mr. Loon. E. Toon
  • Sir Nigel Wiggenbottoms
  • Lord Comfery of Bluchenbost
  • Countess Miriam D. Z. Von Spechenziel
  • Mrs. Frank. N. Stein
 
Brought to you by Mystic Zotix

 

 
aries.gif (231 bytes)Aries
taurus.gif (228 bytes)Taurus
gemini.gif (201 bytes)Gemini
cancer.gif (239 bytes)Cancer
leo.gif (238 bytes)Leo
virgo.gif (226 bytes)Virgo
libra.gif (158 bytes)Libra
scorpio.gif (176 bytes)Scorpio
sagittarius.gif (154 bytes)Sagittarius
capricorn.gif (188 bytes)Capricorn
aquarius.gif (178 bytes)Aquarius
pisces.gif (169 bytes)Pisces
   

Aries

Your sudden fascination with podiatry is nothing to worry about, and should fade with time. Eventually, the only remaining evidence will be your usual familiar greeting: “Hello, how are your feet?

 

Libra

You’ve been yodeling in your sleep, again. Is it any wonder that you’ve been having trouble with your romantic relationships?

Taurus

This week, it is neither the heat nor the humidity that’s the worst. It’s the orc with the two-by-four who runs around hitting people in the face.

 

Scorpio

Is the past dead? Certainly the death of worn out ways of living can rejuvenate into something colorfully new for you? That is if you can insure the past wont come a haunting, feeling possessive and jealous. 

Gemini

Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?

Sagittarius

You will accidentally hit yourself on the head today, while putting away the dishes. While you won’t be seriously injured, you will begin having strange dreams that you are a half-witted Leicestershire workman living in the year 1771. When you wake up, you won’t really know if you’re a present-day person who dreamed of being a half-witted workman, or vice versa. You’ll also have the odd impression that someone named Lao Tsu is laughing at you… (That part is true.)

Cancer

You will discover that your neighbor was frequently taunted with a rubber chicken during his formative years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you’d been wondering about lately.

 

Capricorn

You will experience conflicting emotions when, upon coming home next Friday, your friends jump out of hiding, yell “Surprise!,” and kill you with axes.

Leo

Something will start to bother you, and you will eventually have to ask someone to explain it. The thing is, some birds have very acute hearing – so WHERE ARE THEIR EARS??

 

Aquarius

You should learn something from your cat — no matter what you’ve done wrong, you can always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Virgo

What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!

Pisces

In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled “I’m Ok, You’re A Twerp.” Later, people will often regard you as having “defined” the Rhydinian cultural trends of the age of Domesticity.