The Evening Shroud, Issue #03, 08/30/01 Page 13

Ask Auntie Mystic

Hello Kiddies, We’ve received a warm reception to our bit of phishwrap lately, and some letters from poor soles seeking advice. To save return postage, we’re putting them here. If you too have questions, address them to Mystic Zotix.

Brought to you by Mystic Zotix


Dear Mystic,

I’m having a problem with the love of my life. Every full moon he starts catting around the town, leaving me with the kids. What should I do? Signed –
Clueless in Wereville

Dear Clueless,

I’m guessing you’ve noticed a tendency to growl at mealtimes and scratch frequently. I recommend an investment into flea collars and chains. A good vet will be able to snip that wandering habit right in the bud.

Reporter seeking a “Deep Throat” of their own!

Like to eavesdrop?

Know things that others don’t?

Enjoy indulging in gossip?

Just wanna “clear your soul”?

Contact: Sharon Gossip

Mme Stahl

Rhydin’s newest clothier

“Specializing in garments for those in challenging relationships!”

Located Westside of Rhydin Marketplace.

Dear Auntie Mystic,

I’ve noticed that every time I try to cook Italian for my fiancee, he gags and chokes. Am I using too much pepper? He also seems to have a dental problem though he refuses to get braces.
Tootsie from Transylvania

Dear Tootsie,

I’m willing to bet your man can go all night. Sound like you’ve got yourself a genuine nightwalker. Or an overgrown mosquito. Find an Italian Vampire or invest in turtleneck steel shirts. Try Mme Stahl, she specializes in such garb!

Dear Auntie,

Lately I’ve noticed that our castle has been infested with small lizards that have been petrifying the servants. What can I do?
M. Gorgon

Dear Gorgon,

You’ve got yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t think the Orkin man will be able to help this one. I suggest moving, quickly.

Dear Auntie Mystic,

For the past three nights there’s been this strange wailing woman outside the hovel. And I saw a black coach riding over the hill yesterday at dusk. What should I do?
Worried about the Wailing

Dear Worried’s Family,

Where do we send the flowers?