Unrest Rocks Corporation!

Reported by: Benton deLaw

Wall Street trembled in the wake of the decline, as news of the robbery reached stockholders ears and rabid selling commenced. “Its like the dot com crisis’ in reverse!”

“Its madness! It’s mayhem! Its pure and unadulterated chaos!” exclaimed a passerby as he watched the foot traffic stamped past. “It’s as if the foundations of heaven and hell have been shaken!” protested another.

Rumors run rampant about an exclusive item being taken from the very vaults of the most highly guarded corporation in history: Hades.

No one could be found to respond as to the nature of the item taken, but vapid assertions of a “box” have been made. “Something weird is happening down there in that co-op pit if ya ask me!” stated a homeless bum on Rhydin’s main street.

Speculation commences in the common rooms as collectors and assassins gather for what might be the most notable reward offered yet in the spotted and eerily off-beat history of these realms.

Current CEO of Hades, Lucifer Satan Kennedy-Elvis, denied allegations. “There is no crisis in Hades and never will be. We have everything firmly under control.”


HOROSCOPES

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Sizzling Summer Blow-Out!

Announcements

Reported by: Physhra Pink

On the social front of this interesting parcel of real estate, known multiversally as Rhydin, it seems there is a soiree to trounce all soirees in the works. This reporter has acquired information that End of the Summer is to be a big “to do“.

From what this reporter has discovered, the shindig in question is to be presented by a faction of one of this Realm’s most seen and talked about Families. And, a quaint, seemingly heretofore unexplored isle off the coast of Rhydin Township is supposedly the locale for the upcoming festivities.

And apparently, this is not the only gaiety in the planning. Stay tuned for more updates into future revelries as this reporter ferrets them out!

Seeking information on a particular “wooden box with odd glyphs on top”. “Eclectic Curios” rewards information handsomely. “Eclectic Curios” offers a wide selection of collectibles, catering to the mystical, magical, and ancient connoisseurs. Contact: Mr C Wraithburn


Cooking Classes offered at local Red Dragon Inn by FishNChips “Where were ya’ll last week?” Sawyer. Thursdays, 1am by the Eastern Clock. “Ya’ll come fer dinner, now, ya hear!”


Seeking information on a missing space craft known as “Event Horizon”, the crew was due back fourteen days ago, anyone who has any information will be rewarded! Contact: Starfleet Command




Missing Child!!! Anyone with information regarding Claudia Realm Blackheart, six-year old adopted daughter of Sid. Contact: ObsdnShayd



Tragic Accident? Or Planned Espionage?

Announcements Cont.

by Sharon Gossip

Last Sunday night the eastside docks shook with the force of volcanic eruptions as a prominent Gang Family lost another warehouse in the “undisclosed war” between mobsters. This on the heels of July’s torching of six establishments on the lower westside belonging to a Human Gang, commonly referred to as “Pack”, brings the total community devastation into the billions.

Rumors ring of a returning GodFather to the realms, but many are too frightened to speak to the press. One poor soul proclaimed: “I don’t want to go to hell, it’s too hot down there!” Insisting that corruption lingers in the heart of the local governments.

Houses of sin and decadence has long been a mainstay of Rhydin’s economic foundations, yet many are unaware of the perceived power such places can hold upon the community.

A spokeswoman for the Family of Bloods explained that “There are No Bloods, but possibly an evil lurking bunch of Packies out there just ready to slit your grandmother’s throat! for no reason at all”. 

From Rogut to Regal, come to our beverage tasting soirees at your local Red Dragon Keep, Wednesdays and Fridays 11pm by the Eastern Clock.


Mr. and Mrs. Hattfield announce the marriage of their daughter, Emaline, to Jimmeny McCoy on Saturday, 6 pm. A feud immediately commenced after groom kissed bride. “We might juz be hillbillies, but we be hillbillies in love!” Stated Jimmeny as he ran with his new wife from the oncoming gunfire as both families competed to slaughter the couple first. No information as to why this family feud has lasted for over 212 generations.


Birth Announcement!!! Congratulations go out to the proud parents, Ebon and Phen on the birth of their son, Doran Erscant on or about the 19th of August.  Sid and Family.

 


Missing Person: One small elf, female, aged about 140. Has been sighted in Rhydin recently. Answers to the name “Aiodanne”. If you have information as to her whereabouts, please contact: Serastin Morelen.


Seeking whereabouts of one Lusiphur. Contact: Blinkynn





Scene & Heard

Help Wanted

It’s Eye Spy, Eagle Eye, reporting the buzz from glitz to gutter!

This week kids, I was homeward bound! That’s right, party animal me was unable to accomplish his goal in life: To par-ty.

It seems that the harmless cat scratch I suffered at the hands of “tweaken Middle” gave me a terrible disease.  Or so the brilliant minds at the Rhydin Hospital tell me. ::shameless plug!::

Seems, Old Eagle Eye has, (can you believe it?) “Cat Scratch Fever”.  That’s right kittens. It’s not a mythical disease after all, nor is it merely cute lyrics in a song.

In fact, the horse pills the Doctors gave me, are hairier than a gorilla’s chest and as foul tasting as the village idiots most oft found in the local unchaperoned Red Dragon Inn. Quite unpalatable!

and….

My only view? The Vampire Inn. Yes, sweet cakes, you heard me right! I look out my window and what do I see? Hungry little goths all dressed-to-kill, so to speak.

I have been degraded to watching the seemingly relentless fare of re-runs that plague the late summer days like a virus as each night, every night and all night long, I am forced to view the suckling, sucking and oh-don’t-you-love-it! gory details of Vampire romance!

Watch for me, kiddies! Let’s all hope that soon I’ll be back out and about, getting scene and heard!

Reporter seeking a “Deep Throat” of their own! Like to eavesdrop? Know things that others don’t? Enjoy indulging in gossip? Just wanna “clear your soul”? Contact: Sharon Gossip


Cleaner seeking local jobs. Experienced in the art of elimination. Creative problem solver with a flair for the less obvious. Contact: Acelin Adams


Relics, ancient knick-knacks and other paraphernalia wanted. Will pay well for quality goods! Contact: Mr C Wraithburn


Do you want your words touched, fondled, folded, spindled… maybe even… mutilated? ::wink, wink, nudge, nudge.:: Come write for the paper that reaches the world; one way or another! Contact: Physhra Pink


Wanted: Lab assistant. Must be able to follow orders, push buttons, drink potions. Only those willing to legally change their name to “Timmy” need apply. Contact: Rhydin Institution of Mental Health.


Ghoul seeking permanent position with local Vampire. Familiar with clan politics. Great food source! Only organic fed stock offered! DDS free! Contact: Misstt Bee Heaven



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The Evening Shroudoffers competitive prices to all!  Advertise through us!  We are the paper that reaches the people! Whether it is wrapped in fish or not! Assassins’, a little slow in the targets? Demimondes’ need a few more clients? Tavern owners, need more of a crowd to make your bills?

Contact: Physhra Pink

No paper goes through as many hands as ours! From the streets to the markets into your very homes! Need a job? Place an ad with us! Have an important announcement?  Let us tell the world for you!  We can’t guarantee they’ll read it; you can lead a horse to water but… At least we try!

Contact: Sharon Gossip