Rhydin Schools: Fantasy or Farce?

Reported by: Benton deLaw

With all the breeding that happens in these realms, one would assume that there would be plenty of schools to teach the newest hordes of citizens. As “school days” near with the changing of the seasons, it seemed an excellent time to discover just what Rhydin offers their ever growing population. Submitting a request for school listings for our phine City, left this reporter empty handed! Local government officials refuse comment on the current state of public services, claiming that the public isn’t interested and doesn’t care to complain.

“It’s almost as if the kids these days are just born knowing everything!” exclaimed one bystander.  Surprisingly, these “know-it-all” children have yet to acquire vocabulary skills sharp enough to impart their early learned wisdom’s. As seen in many of the local bars, taverns, and brothels, most of the locals children run wild and have no real social skills save that they seem to “know-it-all”.  

In an exclusive interview with The Evening Shroud, seven out of ten parents agree that schools are not really needed as their children benefit more from “acquired experience” gained at local establishments. “My child needs to understand how things really work in Rhydin, not what a book teaches!” proclaimed one angry father. 

“It’s all about the community raising the child! That’s what bars, taverns and brothels are really for!” insisted a local authority.  “Everything a child needs to know they can learn just hanging out at, say, the Rhydin Waterfall!” 

“Rhydin doesn’t need to educate their youths!” cackled a local Vampire and tavern owner. “Uneducated sheep are so much easier to lead. We prefer the masses that way.”

In a related story: New Academy Opens! A new academy catering to the arts of the medieval warrior opens in Rhydin! 


HOROSCOPES

Ask Auntie Mystic

WIN!!!!  Get to know the inner and outer you while exploring your past, future and fictional worlds.

Read About it! Page 9!

Have a crisis? A life-changing dilemma? Let Auntie Mystic spill her wealth of wisdom all over you!

More on Page 13!



Domestic Violence: Newest Trend in Rhydin?

Announcements

Reported by: Physhra Pink

In these times of strife, amidst factions for a calmer, more domesticated realm, and those citizens of a decidedly different set of values, it has become increasingly difficult to socialize. Never mind socializing, just relaxing by quaffing a beverage at your friendly neighborhood hangout has become downright heartburn inducing! 

Last issue this reporter reported to you a possible conspiracy existing, connecting the up rise in bakeries of some local proponents for the seemingly calmer side of things, with upheavals in the Nexus storm front; and her take on those inhabitants of our not-so-fair township. This issue the boot is on the other five-toed appendage.

One night last week, sometime between an accosting of this reporter’s personage and a where-did-I-leave-my-bra-this-time morning, a replay of the eve’s events ran difficultly through my mind as I foraged, bleary-eyed, among strange surroundings for a missing garter.

Having taken a night to pick up on some regional color this reporter ventured into the main locale for such occurrences, and was royally painted with a splash of current reality. Sitting alone, the better to sample the local flavor, it didn’t take long for a counter-agent of the apparent domesticity trendsetters to make himself known… violently. 

continued on last page.

Missing Space Craft known as “Event Horizon“, the crew was due back twenty-eight days ago, anyone with any information will be highly rewarded! Contact: Starfleet Command


Missing Person: One small elf, female, aged about 140. Has been sighted in Rhydin recently. Answers to the name “Aiodanne”. If you have information as to her whereabouts, please contact: Serastin Morelen.


Missing Child!!! Anyone with information regarding Claudia Realm Blackheart, six-year old adopted daughter of Sid. Contact: ObsdnShayd


Missing Person: Any information being sought on a Mr.  Alexander Laurence Harrington, a pretty Victorian gentleman with a British accent.  He may appear somewhat lost in these realms. Contact: Jack through The Evening Shroud


 Wedding Announcement! Congratulations are extended to Jack and Jill Pratt on their upcoming nuptials. This will be Jack Pratt’s twelfth attempt and Jill’s fifth. Friends and family wish the couple lasting happiness in this union! Send all good luck charms directly to the couple. Thanks.



Personals

Announcements Cont.

Found: One garishly fuchsia pink and aqua two-wheeled motorized cycle. We can’t get near the darn thing and it’s blocking our drive! Please, please, come and get it! Contact: Peter and Martha Piper

Seeking Your Sole Mate? Place an ad with us! We are the paper that gets the results!

Peruse the Personals!



Mob Forces Tech on Unsuspecting!

Found: One hairless hamster encased in a large glass jar. Non-responsive. Contact Klepto Kane with description

by Sharon Gossip

In a recent meeting that took place in the infamous Stars End Bar, witnesses report that a local Rhydin Mafia Intermediary met with a shady suspected Stars End Mafia Head in a history shattering event; the exchange of high tech weapons for low tech luxury goods.  Is a new era dawning on the streets of fair Rhydin? 

No one will be spared as once the high tech weapons hit the streets chaos will ensue as multiple factions will wage a high tech war of gadgetry upon the unsuspecting and ill-prepared citizens of Rhydin.

Does this mean there will be a drop in manna oriented warfare? “Doubtful, magic offers alternatives that high tech cannot.” commented a local Rhydin snitch. “Heh, first there were only swords, then came the guns, now we got blasters and lasers. Aint life in the Nexus grand?”

Recent sightings confirm that the local Rhydin Mafia is making a subtle come back as more and more of the “Big Names return. Although reports are hazy as to their whereabouts, and no one has come forward yet with rumor of what’s in store for us. 

continued on last page!


From Rotgut to Regal, come to our beverage tasting soirees at your local Red Dragon Keep, Wednesdays and Fridays 11pm by the Eastern Clock.


Challenging, Interesting and Wild recipes offered!!!  Cooking Classes at local Red Dragon Inn by FishNChips “Where were ya’ll the past few weeks?” Sawyer. Thursdays, 1am by the Eastern Clock. “Ya best come see who we’ll be servin’ up this week, hear?! Or next time it may be you!”


Seeking information: ANYONE with information on a particular “wooden box with odd glyphs on top”???? “Eclectic Curios” rewards information handsomely.  Contact: Mr C Wraithburn


Lost: One brain. Last seen in a jar in the Red Dragon Inn. If found please contact Mister I. Gor. Reward offered


Birth Announcement! Lady Armstrong-Firefang and her Lord Drake, welcome a new clutch! Twelve eggs laid, we are breathless awaiting their births!





Scene & Heard

Help Wanted

It’s Eye Spy, Eagle Eye, reporting the buzz from glitz to gutter!

So off to the local hotspots I wandered, and what did I find? Hordes of happy housekeepers cooking and lamenting about their poor pitiful lives.  Yeah, right, if only my life should be sooo dull?! See how quickly I’d end it!

Yes, kittens, you heard old Eagle Eye right! Domestic bliss haunts one of the more popular of local hang-outs like a miasma intent on swallowing all hapless enough to stumble by.  So next time you go out, be wary of the Happy Homemakers of Rhydin! Their goal? (As if any have to really ask?) To catch a husband that lasts longer than two days, no doubt!

Trust me when I say I have never seen so many deities complain about the state of their wedded delight while merrily popping out pastry tarts with the intent to entice even the most grumpy of dead Trolls. 

Oh, my lithesome figure is suffering already and I haven’t even taken a bite! 

I practically fled to the Stars End Bar where I was deluged in techno babble that I found far more appealing, if unintelligible, over the prosaic monotony of every-day life I’d previously been subjected to.

Yes, Kiddies, even I prefer the hard and harsh realities over the soft and fluffy nuances that one expects to find on Martha Stewart Living

I ask any one of you to please let me in on what this new trend is all about?! As this guy, Eagle Eye, is lost and clueless!

Watch for me, kiddies! I’ll be out and about, getting scene and heard but not likely in the Happy Homemakers Headquarters, thanks anyway!


Chambermaids for the Horn’d Hunter. Must be willing to work weekends. Cleaning ability a must and a friendly “can-do” attitude a plus. Contact: Orion Elaar or Tiris Ael


Relics, ancient knick-knacks and other paraphernalia wanted. Will pay well for quality goods! Contact: Mr C Wraithburn


Postal Workers Needed!!! Rhydin Postal Service needs carriers, distributors and other office staff. Contact: RPS c/o Mr.  Peevlie Sorefoot


Cleaner seeking local jobs. Experienced in the art of elimination. Creative problem solver with a flair for the less obvious. Contact: Acelin Adams


Newspaper Distributors Needed!! Full benefits for part time work! Competitive wages offered! Contact: The Evening Shroud


Do you want your words touched, fondled, folded, spindled… maybe even… mutilated? ::wink, wink, nudge, nudge.:: Come write for the paper that reaches the world; one way or another! Contact: Physhra Pink


Hiring: Graveyard shift at the Rhydin Grave yard. Must be able to tell one end of a shovel from another. Good wages and steel plated uniforms included. 

 


ZuZu’s Pleasure Palace!

“What can we do to YOU?”

Meet the girl of your dreams! Enjoy a relaxing massage. Clean sheets are provided!

Ladies seeking a profitable career? Contact Madame ZuZu Petals. 

Warehouse District, lower EastEnd. 
(NOTE: During high Nexus storm activity, we may be relocated to the lower WestEnd.)



Advertise Through US!

Gotta Ad?

The Evening Shroud offers competitive prices to all!  Advertise through us!  We are the paper that reaches the people! Whether it is wrapped in fish or not! Assassins’, a little slow in the targets? Demimondes’ need a few more clients? Tavern owners, need more of a crowd to make your bills?

Contact: Physhra Pink

No paper goes through as many hands as ours! From the streets to the markets into your very homes! Need a job? Place an ad with us! Have an important announcement?  Let us tell the world for you!  We can’t guarantee they’ll read it; you can lead a horse to water but… At least we try!

Contact: Sharon Gossip